There is a lot I wanted to get out of my chest this time of year, but I was like, “Barbara, stop being so depressing,” and I listened to myself, for like the first time. I don’t know if any of you guys know, but I am an anomaly in every part of my life. Like literally:
- Showing emotions – They only come in extremes
- Life – It only comes in extremes
- Nickel allergy – It only comes in extremes
Christopher Columbus, because I am in a new land (my body) in awe, and willing to explore and discover what my body is doing and why. The Native Americans, because I have always known my body and don’t want any more intruders coming with their new allergies, reaction, and new ways to feel healthy, I like my way of living. It pleases me. But Christopher Columbus (my allergies) and his men keep trying to impose its new way and keeps killing off my old things and ideas of how I live life. Sadly, I feel like I’ll lose my traditions and culture along with a sense of self.
I hope the analogy wasn’t too abstract; my sister always says, “you are so hard to understand, and you don’t want to be understood.” If only she knew that I don’t speak the language of this world. That’s what you get when you are born to find meaning in everything. So that’s why I formulated The Gift Guide for People who Don’t Like Gifts. That is the reason I blog to find meaning in my beautiful catastrophic life and for us to share it together because well, it’s getting to be too much for only me to handle.
1) Do an apology
Yes, you heard me! Don’t say sorry, do sorry. I hate apologizing, I do it anyway, but I actually work for the trust back. I am never the person content in hurting anyone. And I know a lot of people say a quick sorry and they are done. But I mean, well not for the people who don’t like gifts.
I know I hate materialistic affection due to its lack of genuineness or even effort. Why can’t you be nice to me, you know?
For example, you have someone with allergies, and you put an allergen around them, and they get sick. I am sorry, it doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t help the person recover as they go through pains, dizzy spells, swollen lymph nodes, and throat. That is a cop-out! You need to wash all your clothes, and clean everything around you, help them do daily tasks since it is hard for them even to wake up. And last but not least, pay for the bills, it being Ubers due to having no energy for the bus, the heated blanket they had to get to at least tolerate their pains. Sorry isn’t enough, and the person shouldn’t be okay with just saying that.
… You can clearly tell I am speaking from experience.
2) Whatever is the hardest thing to do, do it for them.
This is always relative to each person. But for me, I track people’s behaviors; I don’t think interning doing a summer of facial coding helped either. So, for the most part, I know your behavior mechanisms in more psychology terms. So if you hate texting and you keep texting me… umm, sir, you’re a keeper. Whatever it is, showing more emotions on that day, being there, empathizing, all things that would be amazing gifts to us. But make sure they don’t like gifts because they need more meaning in their life than just not liking gifts because they never get what they need.
3) Actually be kind to someone else
4) Be you and don’t be afraid to express it to the fullest form
The most beautiful thing I love is someone who doesn’t shy away from emotions. We live in a world that a selfie will get more likes or comments than a cry for help. So when I find someone that can respond to me when I say “How are you?” and it isn’t a generic “good.” Those are people I want to keep in my life.
There will be a storytime soon on my landlord adventures, but my first housing situation didn’t harm my health, it harmed my morals. I was living with the landlord, her child, and another girl. The girl heard the child being beaten when I wasn’t home. Well, I am not sorry, but that is unacceptable. I told the child if her mother did that again to come to us. … Well, you know how that went, let’s just say I got a mysterious eviction. …Which didn’t work cause I had a lease.
5) Create a safe environment for them
The saddest thing I can admit is that I don’t accept gifts from people I don’t feel safe around. So if you made the cut, then, well, dub yourself special. So, create a safe environment for them. Emotionally, physically, and yep! Sexually.
- Don’t question their emotions
- Don’t tell them to think differently
- Never say someone else has it worse. That’s like saying someone else has it better.
- Well, the obvious don’t beat people, unless it’s role play … I don’t judge.
- Hugs. Hugs, Hugs! The big bear hugs.
- Rubs when they are sad. After you say, “it’s going to be okay.”
- No fat-shaming, skinny shaming, or even unicorn shaming, this doesn’t mean only a lover, even family, and friends. That affects people sexually.
- Cuddles! Cuddles! Cuddles!
- Last but not least, “NO” means “NO” No matter what relationship you are in.
If you didn’t see the last one coming, well, that is what being an HIV Counselor taught me talking about sex is like drinking bottled water.
So till next time, show the world a little more meaning this holiday season!